my philosophy...

i know that sounds self-centered, but i just feel compelled to write about this. i was on the nordic track and couldn't stop thinking about it. so although it may be controversial and possibly offensive to some, i don't intend for it to be...i just want to share my heart and the freedom that i've felt recently. i am not an instant gratification girl. that's not to say that i don't go through the drive-through for my diet pepsi fix. i just don't buy into the whole *if it's not perfect or easy, i don't want it* mentality. i will probably never have cosmetic surgery, unless i'm in an accident that leaves me completely disfigured(i have to give myself that loophole!), i will probably always cook and enjoy the process, and i will probably not become the type of photographer who uses photoshop to perfect people. now, don't get me wrong, i use photoshop and if i, for example, have a bride with a chive on her tooth, that both donna and i miss, i'm going to fix it. i just don't want to jump on the bandwagon of making things appear to be perfect. i think there is beauty in imperfection. i love to see a little girl with a strand of hair in her face or a little boy with cookie crumbs on his face. and i'm trying to embrace this for myself as well. i recently set up the tripod and did some timer shots of tom and i. and i didn't photoshop my wrinkles out or *fix* the imperfections. and as it turns out, as time goes by, i really appreciate the reality of those shots. they are real, they are us, they represent right now. i used to ask photographers who photographed me if they could whiten my teeth and take out my wrinkles....now,  i don't do that. i've decided that if i don't like something about my appearance, i need to do what i can do (without getting too invasive) or accept it. i'm having a bunch of dental work done. i have put this off for literally years, but finally have the courage to go forward with it. i will be in the dental chair every week, most likely for the next few months. i don't want perfect chick-let teeth, i just want healthy teeth that will last the rest of my life. i love what jared said to me when i told him about all my dental work-he said he didn't want it to change the way i look in any dramatic way. he gets it.  same thing with my body image. i know i will never have the body i had when i was 20. BUT, i want to take good care of what i have and look and feel healthy. i like reality. even when it's painful. it's the stuff that makes life interesting. i don't want to live in a stepford *perfect* physical world. i love to look at the photos i've taken of my dear friend vivian coley. she is 91 and her beauty radiates. i love every line on her face. i must say, one thing i love about photographing people is to help them see themselves as beautiful. i love to find beautiful angles and expressions.  i love when someone says to me, "i've never liked photos of myself, but you actually made me look good". i don't think it's that i make people look good, i think it's that i see the beauty that they have, and try to capture it. there truly is an inner beauty that shines through in people's eyes...unless they are dead inside and have lost all emotion. i know this all sounds sort of cheesy and pollyanna-ish, but i mean it. i adore the new dove ad campaign. all of it, but particularly the commercial that shows an ordinary girl, showing up for make-up and hair styling, that transform her into a super model. very eye-opening. i wanted to send the youtube version to every young girl i know. i want paradigms to change. i want young girls to be okay with who they are and have a healthy attitude. i especially want this for my granddaughters. i don't want them to reach an age(like i did) when they start to get caught up in the*i'm not model perfect* mentality. i want them to maintain their healthy self-images. being okay with who God created them to be and look like. freckles, no freckles, fair skin, dark skin, curly hair, straight hair, whatever they are, to be okay with it. and to find their true self worth in the Lord. and in who they are, not what they look like.

this post may seem ironic, given that i love pretty things and details. the point is i think we need to start recognizing beauty differently.

so now that i have this off my chest, i feel better, and i hope this all makes sense and maybe releases anyone who might feel trapped in perfectionist tendencies. and i'm going to close without my obsessive need to post a photo.

Comments

[gigi]

oh becs....this is magnificent! & i totally agree...i think unfortunately sometimes we all put WAY too much pressure on ourselves to live up to a standard that isn't even realistic or achievable and then we beat ourselves up b/c we feel as if we failed somehow. but the reality is that we each were given, by God, our own little amazingly beautiful light...it is our duty to let it shine...their is unbelievable beauty in some of the most unexpected and glaringly imperfect places...just ask Mother Theresa :)

[Kim]

WOW!!!!! very well put!! I am a first born & tend to over-do the GOTTA BE PERFECT for myself & when I don't live up to my standards I get down..however I oddly accept/expect much less from others & am grateful for what I get.. ODD isn't it?? You have made me realize I need to look INSIDE myself & give me a break :) thanks!!

[Nancy]

Becky
You are so real and honest and that's what I love about your blog. It's honestly so hard to look at some blogs where everything is beautiful and perfect - including the comments. I don't have a blog mainly because I don't want to get caught up in pretense. I don't ever want to discourage someone with a comment but I would love to be able to be "real". All that said beauty
does come from within. "The world" in general is not kind to people who look different. So lets look for the beauty in people and treat them with kindness regardless of what the
outside looks like!!!

[becca]

Ugh.

Isn't this so true?
And when did it become acceptable to not be content with what we see when we look at ourselves?
When did we stop looking at the beauty we have INside--only to lose ourselves in what's on the outside?

The thing I want most to be able to do is to capture people's spirits in the way you do...to see their eyes sparkle and to see their true beauty no matter what they look like.

And yeah...you're right. If they're dead inside, you can't do anything about that! ; )

xoxo.

[Court De]

seriously I have tears in my eyes and really the best way to put what I am feeling is . . .
THANK YOU!
seriously - THANK YOU!!!

blessings
feel honored to call you friend
Court

[kelly]

:) I love you... and your perspective. :) Keepin' it real.
-k

[er]

amen sista-
again, well written.
read 1peter 3:3 in the Message
love u,
er

[kerry lynn]

i love you!!
xoxo

[JOAN]

So where are those pictures that you set up on tri-pod of you and Tom???? Lets see em girlfriend!!!!
Thanks for sharing and omgosh I don't envy you in the dentist chair.. I'd rather have 10 babies. Take care girlfriend.. love ya

[kim in Camas - ScrapToMyLu]

It's called Authentic Living......I just read that somewhere and I love it. It also applies to a lived in house, as well as perfectionitis. I like pretty things too, but they usually have a history. I rmemeber my grandmother being upset about me getting braces. She said my bottom crooked tooth gave me character.....that anyone can have straight teeth, but no one had that cute crooked tooth.....and it went back to being crooked after all.....
I love those commercials too......but I'm not so willing to let the grey go yet. :)

[tara pollard pakosta]

i agree all the way!
people can just be way too involved in appearances!! that's what i love about you! how real you are!
t

[Jann Saulsberry]

Becky -- what a great expression of your philosophy....I so loved reading it and want to affirm the "rightness" and "goodness" that it expresses. These are things that we don't think about enough -- but having someone stop for a moment and reflect -- causes us to do the same. I really appreciate that you did this -- and caused me to stop too.

I think it is one of my favorite things about being "40 something" is that my perspective of beauty and things that are important has become more focused on what is on the "inside -- showing on the outside" than it ever has before. Yes, I am with you -- I still love beautiful things -- wonderful ribbon -- sunsets, a beautiful curve on a piece of pottery -- but that definition has widened to include a face full of wrinkles that shows a life well lived.

Anyway -- love the great post -- and the encouragement to think on things that matter!

Have a great rest of the week.

[Sheryl]

Becky, Have you been reading Nely photography's blog? You need to read "on photography and "more from the heart". It is you to a t. Have a blessed day! Sheryl

[holly k]

i love you, becky! you are amazing - i love your philsophy!

[Stephanie Howell]

so true..
so beautiful.
love that you will say it out loud. =)

[Heather Ales]

I love your philosophy! Seriously! I think I'm going to dedicate a blog post about it. I know my body will never be perfect in the worlds way but it can and is perfect in His way. I need to remember that and work towards making it the best it can be so that I can do His work - in His glory without worrying about the worlds glory. Does that make any sense at all?