sometimes i feel like i need a gloomy day, just to feel more settled in. today is a day like that. it makes me want to work on crafty projects and make stew in the crockpot and putz around the nest. the lack of sleep last week, seems to have caught up with me a little this week. i've been hitting snooze a lot. last week, i was staying up late and popping out of bed early in the morning, no prob. this week, not so much. you wouldn't think photoshoots would take much energy, but i'm finding that i expend a ton of energy when i'm shooting. i feel it in my muscles, as well as just plain overall tiredness. but it's a good feeling. i love the feeling of using my whole body in my work...mind, body and soul....i want to throw my whole self into what i'm doing. last night, when i got home from a shoot, i couldn't find tom in the house. i sat down at the computer to load photos and heard him say my name...he was already on the patio, waiting for me. i just love that he is so solid and that at the end of every day, i come home to him, and our comfy home.
so, i mentioned yesterday that i would probably share some of my recent journal writings. i'm still sort of fighting it, so i'm just going to keep it simple and share a portion of my thoughts:
"it occurs to me that i am finally in a place that i've never been before. i'm completely comfortable with myself. i'm not waiting for something to happen to make things all better or even perfect. i'm okay with my imperfect self and life. i used to be pretty addicted to perfection and instant gratification....through constant striving. whether it was obsessive cleaning, shopping, exercise or whatever my current feeling of imperfection, i would try to *fix* it through being obsessive or striving. i still have goals and things that i am driven about, but for once, i'm content with a level of imperfection. i even see the beauty in imperfection. messy hair on a child, a cluttered desk full of inspiration, a stack of unread magazines, and many other things that i would have found troubling at one time. and here's something that i think is key: "either accept what is in front of you, or do something to change it". i just sort of figured that out in the past ten years. i would complain and complain about the same things, but not make any significant effort to change what i was complaining about. that's why i finally took the plunge and got braces. i was tired of complaining about my teeth. same thing with my body. right now, i don't look at my body in the same way i did when i was in my 20s. i appreciate that my body is healthy and does what i need it to do. plus, i don't hate it. there are finally things about my appearance that i'm okay with and that i can appreciate, imperfect as they are. i am learning to see the physical beauty in older people. i really do. i look at a face full of wrinkles and sparkly eyes, and i see complete beauty. a deeper more meaningful beauty. becoming more beautiful with wisdom and grace...bitterness and hatefulness don't age beautifully."
my journal writings go on for pages, but i'll leave it at this for now. some of what i went on to write could be offensive to some. i wrote about entitlement and arrogance, especially in the next generation, not because i think all young people have that attitude, but because i think generally speaking a lot of kids are raised in such indulgence, that they expect to have the same things their parents have, when they haven't worked a lifetime to achieve what they have. just my thoughts. and my thoughts aren't directed at anyone in particular....so please don't think this is a hidden message intended for anyone in particular! i have great respect for hard working people of all ages, who have worked to get what they have; and i know there are lots of really motivated young people. i think there's a fine line in parenting between providing a nurturing, healthy environment and overindulging. it's hard.
enough on that. i recently photographed another awesome family. one of the purposes in doing the shoot, was to get some shots of the oldest son, who will be leaving for the marines next month. i loved this family's sense of humor, especially the middle son! and they're a great looking family too-
another great family to work with!
have a great day and God bless!